The Men That Don’t Fit In

I haven’t created any video or podcast since September, although I have written The feeling of importance, i was in a deep rot. So unstable and stressed. l used to struggle with getting left behind. I do compare myself to my tech buddies, for context i am a Software Engineer, that is what i started with before i realized i wanted to share ideas and started the podcast. Since i started creating content it has been a roller coaster ride, trying to balance. Sometimes i tell myself to drop the content to focus on tech but i am determined to keep the dream alive. I compare my Software engineering career to another Software engineer’s, i tell myself that i am not where i want to be, i feel bad, tell myself that content is a distraction. i end up locking in for a week before i get back to my senses.

These days i have decided that content is here to stay. From September till today it’s just been blank, i feel nothing, i think about nothing. No ideas, only that i need to clear my drafts. Maybe that’s it, clearing old work to make way for new stuff.

I looked back, “it’s November,” i told myself, “What have i accomplished?” My analytical mind trying to make inferences. I compare my tech career to someone’s, not giving myself some slack, trying to remind myself that i do so much other than programming.

I encountered a video two weeks ago by Dry Creek Wrangler School on Youtube, The men that don’t fit in. He discussed the idea of being invited to talk on a podcast but never really fitting in; “I do podcasts but i’ll never fit in, i’m a Software Engineer but i’ll never fit in, i write but i’ll never fit in.” This was the discourse i had in my head when i finished watching the video. A new profound understanding overcame me. A man that fits in has a destination, a concrete “I want to get a job at Google,” or “I want to make X amount of money.” But a man that does not fit in has no destination because he’ll never fit in when he gets there.

You see, it’s not about the destination for these individuals but the journey. It’s not about taking a million steps in two months but having the opportunity to take a few steps everyday, enjoying the simple and delicate strides.

I have been on an ignorance is bliss vibe since the realization, i don’t know what anyone is doing and i don’t know anything that is happening unless it directly affects me.

There is a certain mental clarity that comes with it. I am not aware or anyone’s accomplishments and triumphs, not that i’m jealous, i am simply ignorant about it.

These few months have helped me realize certain things, i used to be okay with solitude but i love connecting with people more, hearing ideas and stories.

This new understanding of myself would reflect in my content moving forward.

This is certainly not the last you’ll see of me this year, at least not across all creative channels. I hope you learned something from this short story of mine, i am excited for the new chapter. I’m sure you are too.