We All Feel This Way

This might be very unusual for me to do but i think i need to share this to move forward.

I always try to shield my emotions or how i really feel in my work, i don’t like to share too much details because i am shy and afraid of judgement.

I think about what i am creating, especially my podcast; when i say i don’t listen to it, you might think i do not like my voice or something but that’s not it, it’s because i hate the quality and i just want to release it and get it over with.

I have conflicting feelings about the work i am doing.

The only thing that has kept me coming back is the existential need to create and sometimes, for the most part, i overcome the fear and hit publish for the world to enjoy but for me to never visit again.

I have always locked it up within but i believe for me to grow i must let this go, i must let go of the safety ropes and dangle off the ledge, not enough to slip and fall but ever so slightly that i test the limits of my imagination, never afraid to share the innermost depths of my thoughts anymore.

Anytime i am feeling overwhelmed by life and i feel like i am wasting time or not doing enough, i open Apple Podcasts, scroll through all the stuff i have created and just stare.

It gives me some peace of mind that cannot be enveloped with words, makes me feel like i have been doing something with my life, i guess that is another reason why i create, it makes me feel something, it is the only therapy i need.

The best creations are the ones that share the innermost parts of the creator, the pain, the sacrifice, the experience and hopefully, i share more of me.

My name is Oluwajoba Adewumi and i am a creator.